Her Refusal
by Skylark Evanson
Summary: "How about a movie this Friday night?"


**A/N: Well, after the new episodes, I had many, many thoughts. This is another one of those "His-" & "Her-" series that I always love to do so much. Especially with this show since it's so dang perfect. Anyways, this one is set after "Hard Targets". The other portion of it will be set after "A Family Holiday". If you haven't seen them, I suggest you don't read. Or go watch them first, better yet. As always, Circe's POV.**

**Disclaimer: Do I own Generator Rex? No.**

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><p><strong><span>Her Refusal<span>**

"How about a movie this Friday night?"

I cringed. I physically cringed. My mind had been stabbed by a dagger. Because I didn't want to reject him. I didn't want to tell him the truth. Because the truth would hurt too much. The truth would leave scars that would wound our friendship too badly. Too badly to leave room for repairs.

Because I couldn't love Sqwydd. It just wasn't going to happen.

Not when my heart belonged somewhere else.

"I'm already hanging out with Cricket." I lied. I hated lying to him. That's almost worse than telling him I don't like him like that. We're just friends. Platonic. That's how I wanted it to stay. Forever. "I promised I'd hang out with her."

"So it'll be the three of us." He only seemed a little bit put down. Not much, but a little bit. I couldn't help feeling that he was plotting to bring Tuck into this too. He could have me, Tuck could have Cricket... A disgusting thought, really. I love them all, but more like a family. I hadn't had a family in the longest time, but it just feels right to love them like family. That's how they used to be with Rex, right?

For some reason, I can't stop thinking about Rex. Not since he stopped by.

Which makes all of this _his_fault. And I'm not afraid to blame him.

Because I couldn't stop thinking about him. It's not every waking moment of the day, but it's enough to make me cringe and shudder. Because I shouldn't feel like that. I should've stopped thinking about him. But I couldn't. He was too important. Another piece in the puzzle of my life. He and Sqwydd both are, but it's in different ways. And Sqwydd is a much, much smaller piece.

"Maybe Tuck can come with," he added while trying to read my face. At that moment, I almost felt like a mind reader. I could feel his beady black eyes on my skin. It was like I was exposed. I changed, sure, but not enough to lose interest in what I once had within my reach. For even a day, I had Rex so close that I finally felt normal…

"Sqwydd..." I didn't want to break his heart. I didn't. But I couldn't keep leading him on... So which one was safer for our friendship? Break his heart now or break his heart later? I figured I could salvage it now, but later... Later would be more dangerous, running a higher risk. Especially on this playground. It'd be three on one if I ever hurt him. I had to avoid it as long as possible. Just to protect everyone.

He knew right away. The disappointment was scrawled across his green features. Dark eyes grew darker and a bit of his usual smirk had been wiped away. He changed. Just like that. Just like I did. It only took a heartbeat. Sqwydd was crushed, but he wasn't going to do much about it. He'd be bummed for a few days, but I could see that now was better than later.

"I'm just not interested." It almost hurt me to say it. I didn't want to say it. How could I just break his fragile little heart like that? I felt cold and cruel for being straight-up about it, but it was the truth. Because for some reason, I knew I couldn't toy with him. He didn't deserve that from me.

Sqwydd seemed to have to pause and let this soak in. I faintly heard his breath catch in his throat as if this was some sort of shock to him. It was almost like he expected me to be his arm candy without any questions asked. Just because I evened out the girl to guy ratio didn't mean I would play a pawn in someone's chess game. I wouldn't be a tool. Not again. Van Kleiss had played too many games with my head; I was watching my own back from now on.

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to cover for this with whatever lame excuse I could pull out of my hat. "I just... I just want to be friends." My voice felt weak. Lies. I was feeding him lies. Pathetic, pitiful lies... "Relationships would make things complicated, you know? And I don't want anything too complicated. I just got out of complicated stuff and..." I held one elbow close to my side, my other hand tight around my arm. I had to hold it together. I had to do this. For the good of this… team… friendship circle… thing… "And I don't really want to go back to that so soon."

Lies. Filthy little lies.

Because I really wanted Rex. I had to refuse a friend and break his heart because I didn't want to lose what could happen with Rex. A guarantee or a wishful thought. And I was still putting my money on false hopes, thinking that maybe the world could still change. I was still thinking that the coin could still fall in my favor. Wishing on airplanes instead of shooting stars, that was me.

"That's cool," said Sqwydd with a little crack in his voice. It was hardly noticeable, but I could tell he was trying to look unaffected. His dark eyes were just too readable and his usually flat line mouth was suddenly a little lower on the one side I could see. "I get it."

"Maybe when I can get over it-" Or when Rex finds someone else. "-then we could try-" While I'm mourning over losing my first love. "-but until then-" Which I'm hoping will never happen. "-I just want to stay friends." Because I love Rex. Read between the lines.

And he gave me a little nod, his shy smile shining out, and walked away with a little hope radiating from him; he didn't like to give up so quick, and I respected that. But I really wish he knew why I couldn't be a bigger part in his life. Rex is just too big a piece of my heart to let go yet. Sqwydd was willing to wait his turn.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm so bad at writing Sqwydd… Sorry if he's shamefully out of character. He's only been in the show, what, three times? Anyways, second part will be up soon and I hope you leave a review! Bye!**

**~Sky**


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